One sentence that summarises each year of your life so far……

……um, gosh:

1974: Born in March, living in Langbank.

1975: Moved to Greenock.

1976: The Joyous One is born.

1977: No idea – who can remember being three?

1978: Big hairy caterpillars on Jura.

1979: Take a dead blue tit in for the nature table: Miss Armstrong was not impressed, but I am glad I am not in Miss Grant’s class because she was a scarey lady.

1980: I think Mum is embarrassed by Brian’s arrival as the baby Moses basket is located in a corner behind one of the living room chairs: I later discover this is probably to stop the dog knocking it over.

1981: No idea – a blank.

1982 : Also a blank.

1983: Blank – did I have a 3-year period of amnesia?!

1984: Kitten-heeled shoes

1985: TV!!!!!!

1986: Finish primary school – head for Greenock Academy.

1987: I get straight A-grades in my report card for everything apart from maths – I’m crap at maths.

1988: Arran, sausage sizzles and sea kayaking.

1989: Lots and lots of studying: seemed so important at the time.

1990: Pompeii, Herculaneum and pizza in Sorrento.

1991: Run amok in the Art Department and do nothing else but painting and classics for the whole academic year.

1992: Move to England.

1993: Went out for stamps, came back with tattoo.

1994: Fail Agricultural Biology, spend birthday on the White Horse at Uffington with Rob.

1995: Get pissed on by Apodemus sylvaticus and Clethrionomys glareolus a lot.

1996: Graduate and spend the summer identifying and surveying butterflies – the difference between small skipper and Essex skippers is the colour of the underside of their antennae.

1997: I win a village pub Christmas Eve fancy dress competition: I am not in fancy dress – this is how I normally dress.

1998: New Zealand & Australia – sea snakes and shark feeds off North Horn.

1999: GHP – I am overwhelmed by trees, polytunnels and an amazing team to work with.

2000: LARP.  That is all.

2001: Trees and seeds, lots of them.

2002: Buckingham Palace – the Queen is very small.

2003: The cows break down the fence and ravage the vegetable garden; one gooseberry and some onions are saved.

2004: Left conservation for mental health advocacy.

2005: Mental health advocacy work is both challenging and occasionally hilarious.

2006: New Zealand and Joy’s wedding.

2007: Egypt, lack of sharks, lots of lionfish and blue-spotted stingrays.

2008: Lots of camping.

2009: New Zealand, road trip, whales, albatrosses, and dolphins of the land.

2010: Hard work.

2011: not finished yet, but doing ok so far.

A bit of toilet humour……

……from the Land of The Long White Cloud.  Since the Christchurch ‘quake, the NZ news has been full of death, heartbreak and destruction.  But there have also been lots of positive stories of communities pulling together in the worst of circumstances.  Never let it be said that Kiwis don’t have a, let us say, unusual, sense of humour: in the absence of functioning electricity, water, sewerage systems and the like, residents have resorted to the traditional “hole in the ground.”  Going for a pee behind a tree in the countryside is one thing, having to go for a crap in your own yard with all the neighbours doing the same is quite something else.  To celebrate the Kiwi spirit and ingenuity, have a gander at these loos!  Go Cantabrians!

Should you feel so inclined, you can make a donation here for the benefit of residents who have lost everything, but not their spirit.

Coffee; how I love thee……

……Costa Coffee (in the UK) have started selling flat whites (mmmmmmmm omnomnom) a la NZ.  They say.  Hooray, I thought – for some reason I prefer the taste of a flat white to a latte, but I don’t know why. Anyhoo, I have had two flat whites from two seperate Costas in the last week and was sooo disappointed. The first one was not the creamy smooth taste (slightly burnt beans taste) and I had an argument with the barista (I use the term loosely) who was adamant that she couldn’t do a flat white with trim/skimmed milk because “it wouldn’t work and you’ll be disappointed in our coffee.” Today’s adventure in Costa Coffee-land wasn’t any better, but was less burnt-bitter taste. Any experts out there who can clarify what it is that makes a flat white different from a latte? Is it the smoothness of the steamed milk? Today’s effort was more like a frothy latte and I felt the milk should have had less visible bubbles in the frothy bit (if that makes sense).

Flat White. Lovely.

/goes off, researches and returns.

Aha! Apparently, it’s the microfoaming of the steamed milk – not frothy like latte, but smooth velvety teeny wee bubbles making the steamed milk very creamy EVEN IF IT IS SKIMMED MILK (if anyone from the Costa Coffee at Johnstonbridge Services is reading this). I can’t get over having a debate about whether or not it would suddenly have not been a flat white if skimmed milk had made an appearance.

And TWO shots of coffee – not one (that’s for the twit at the Costa today who told me that he wasn’t allowed to put a second shot of coffee in because that would meant that it wasn’t a flat white. Apparently).  Or only one shot, depending on which website you look at.  Does it matter?  I know how strong I want my coffee and if I want another shot in and am going to pay for it, just gimme the bloody drink.  To add to my flat whitelessness ire, he also had no idea what type of coffee beans he was using, or that a flat white was an NZ/Aus thing.  Bah.

/rant off

The Holiday revisited, part seven……

……Thursday 5th – Friday 6th November

Day 18

The Overlander at Ohakune

The Longest Day.  We arose at 5.30am, showered and lugged our bags down the many many steps from Bobby and Clare’s house to the car, where we drove blearily to the rail station in Wellington.  My sleep-fogged brain registered that Bobby only had to pay $8 to park in the middle of town for the whole day. $8! To park for a whole day in the capital city?! Marvellous.  One coffee and cinnamon scroll later, we hopped on the Overlander for our 12 hour journey up North Island to Auckland.  If anyone thinks that planning this the day before flying back to the UK, a word of advice.  Don’t.  It was the stupidest idea ever in the history of bad travel planning.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice train journey with beautiful views, but TWELVE hours of it was enough to make me wish I’d flown or driven.  Anyway – the views are all a bit weather dependent, and we left Wellington in drizzle, so the Kapiti coast was not looking its best.  We did see Ruapehu and Tongariro, the Raurimu Spiral was a feat of railway engineering and mostly the scenery was green and worth looking at, but TWELVE HOURS.  The other thing I forgot was that most trains enter cities and towns through the grimy industrial bits.  Hmm.  We landed in Auckland at about 7.30pm and decided that we could do with the exercise, so we walked up Queen Street to our apartment (nearly to K Road).  Bloody hell, it was a long way dragging a wheely suitcase, but I needed the exercise.  Apartment was small and not as nice as the first one, but it was only for one night.  We walked back to Vivace for our final evening meal in NZ (I’m not counting the food in the airport the next evening).  It was very good food – I had veal with asparagus and some really nice sauce of some description.  We downed a bottle of Freefall Pinot Gris between us, had cheesecake, and wandered back up the street stuffed and tipsy.

Day 19

Lookout!

The lovely staff at Bianco off Queen let us leave our luggage with them after we had checked out, so we left it and went to the Zoo!!  We spent all day there – the weather was brilliant, and all the animals were out.  The Africa enclosure looked a bit sad and dusty (one lonely zebra) but the meerkats were great.  You can climb down under the meerkat enclosures and go through tunnels, popping your head up (in a Perspex dome) in their enclosure.  We saw everything and were hot dusty and tired by the time we caught the bus back to Queen Street.  We collected out luggage and headed off to catch the airport bus.  Not much to say about waiting in the international departure lounge at Auckland airport.  You could be anywhere.  We took off at 11.45pm on the Friday and landed at Heathrow at 1.35pm on Saturday, having eaten the usual airline food and watched a wide selection of movies.

So that’s it folks – the big trip was over.  We liked it.  We’ll be going back

The Holiday revisited, part six……

……Tuesday 3rd – Wednesday 4th November

Day 16

Up at 7am (next time, can I do a holiday that doesn’t require me to get up at the crack of dawn regularly?).  Caught the bus into town to get a train to Featherston – a wee town in the Wairarapa, where we got picked up for our wine tour of the Martinborough area.  There were only ten people on the tour (one of whom didn’t drink alcohol) and we were a reasonable mix of ages and nationalities.  First up – coffee in a cafe in Martinborough and then we drove out to the Alana Estate, where several wines were sampled.  Unless you were Bobby, who just necked the first sample without waiting for all the guff about swirling it about and holding it in various parts of your mouth to get the different tastes.  The rest of us were polite and did the swirling and sniffing bit. And the drinking bit.  No spitting here – we were going to drink all of it (no matter how much we didn’t like it).  Next up was Muirlea Rise; a really small boutique vineyard, with a very entertaining owner (Shawn).  He did us the tour, showed us his shiny new bottling doodah (we all went oooh).  He was very proud of his vines and his idiosyncratic approach to making wine, which basically went: it’s different every year – some are good, some are not so good.  If you like it, buy some. If you don’t, that’s ok too.  He was very enthusiastic, and his wine was lovely, so we bought some – a very rich pinot noir; almost port-like.  Lovely.  After two vineyards it was lunchtime, so back to The Village Cafe in Martinborough for a selection of absolutely delicious local and other NZ foods – big fat olives, salmon, peppers, hams, fresh made bread and more wine (and coffee).  Feeling fat and dozy, like dormice, we waddled off to the bus and Te Kairanga vineyard.  Which we were a bit disappointed with.  Bobby was really happy that they were all reds, but on sampling six or seven, I couldn’t find one I liked and neither could Bobby or Rob.  There was tipping of wine and no finishing of samples – blee.  Last but not least was Murdoch James Estate, which was very picturesque and had a big proper cellar with barrels stacked way high.  Their wine was good, although by this time, you could have given me cat’s piss and I’d have drunk it.  Their wine was not cat’s piss – it was very nice.  Then it was back to a wee cafe in Martinborough for coffee and cheeseboard, which was thoroughly enjoyable, and then back to Featherston for the train to Welly.  We all dozed off on the train – sleepy, full of cheese and slightly pissed.  To round off our gourmet day, we ordered pizza from Dominoes and watched Star Trek.  They do takeaway pizza orders online!  How cool!  How easily pleased am I?!  I very much enjoyed the day bimbling round vineyards and tasting stuff and eating nice food, although we started off doing the whole “I taste a hint of passionfruit” and ended up on “that’s crap.  Next!”  So civilised.

Day 17

On our own in Wellington.  Clare and Bobby entrusted us (well, Rob) with setting their house alarm and locking up before we caught the bus into town to go to Te Papa.  We had a bit of a lie in, so didn’t get into town until about 11am.  We planned to sort of look at other bits of town, but ended up spending most of the day in Te Papa.  I do like this museum – Brian and I spent some time wandering round it in 2006 and enjoyed it then too.  Pleasingly for Rob, they had the colossal squid on display in a big tank (a bit like some important dead person lying in state).  It was big, I’ll give it that.  The short movie clip of how they caught it and got it back to the museum was interesting.  I went online and build my very own virtual colossal squid.  Mine is called Bob and he’s wandering the deep oceans.  Occasionally I log in and see how he’s doing.  We were impressed by the skeleton of a blue whale hanging above us in one of the display areas.  I like the geology area too, with lots of information about volcanoes and earthquakes.  We also went to look at the big shock absorbers in the basement of the museum – this is not as exciting as it sounds, but from an engineering and geology point of view it was informative.

In the evening we took Bobby and Clare out for dinner to the Ban Mai Thai Cafe and had some tasty thai food.  Clare suggested we go to Strawberry Fair Cafe for pudding; I’m glad I’d kind of said bugger the diet for the holiday, cos we had puddings that were absolutely huge and very very nice.  Big fat pavlova with cream and passionfruit and a spun sugar creation sitting on the top – the blokes just thought it looked like a tit on a plate (it was sort of boob-shaped).  But it was yummy.  Again, an early-ish night as we were catching the 7.20am train from town.  Bobby offered to drive us there – bless him.  Just as well he works at the train station – it just meant he got to work a bit earlier than usual.

The Holiday revisited, part five……

……Sunday 1st – Monday 2nd November

Day 14

Up early without brekkie, checked out and drove to Picton, which took about 30mins through hilly wooded countryside.  Dropped the car off and trundled off to find some food.  Passed a dive shop which Rob couldn’t resist.  I could, given that it was 9am on a Sunday and I was starving and desperate for coffee.  He popped in to discover that dive equipment which is reasonably priced in the UK is astronomically priced in NZ – I think that my Suunto Gecko computer was almost double the price. OMG.  We found a lovely cafe on the waterfront bit and settled down for lots of coffee and good food.  Picton was lovely – I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was a really lovely wee town with a reasonable selection of local shops, a busy looking wharf and marina area, and a really nice park right on the shore.  There was a tiny electric train track with a little station – train rides for 20 cents.  And you could hire little model sailboats for 20c and float them across the pond like you did when you were a kid.  After breakfast, we wandered round for a bit killing time before the ferry.  We came across the Edwin Fox – apparently the 9^th oldest sailing ship in the world.  The bumph said it was an ex-convict transporter which plied various trade routes before ending up in NZ. It was in a big open sided shed with pigeons flying to and fro, so how much longer it’ll be preserved without being coated in pigeon shite, I’ve no idea. 

We caught the 13.10 sailing on the Arahura to Wellington, which takes about 3 hours, and sails out through the channels of Queen Charlotte Sound.  The scenery was fairly spectacular, but it was bloody freezing on the outside decks, and I have to say, there’s not that many places to get a decent view from the inside.  There was a forward facing deck with comfy looking airline-style seats, but they were all taken by old people dozing and not actually looking at the view.  The buggers.  The crossing of the Cook Strait was fairly uneventful and we go into Wellington on time to be met by our mate Bobby.

Bobby and Clare emigrated to NZ several years ago, and I last met up with him when I was in Welly after Joy’s wedding. It was really good to see him and also to meet Clare, who I’d heard lots about (from Bobby) but never met.  They very kindly put up with us for several nights, and Bobby had booked the Monday and Tuesday off work to spend some time catching up.  We headed to their house to eat chilli, drink wine and catch up on gossip.

Day 15

A lie-in!! It was bliss. We lazed over breakfast and headed into the centre of Wellington to have a mooch round and book a wine tour – yes, the three of us had decided that spending a whole day sampling alcohol and eating nice food was the way to go.  We went via the Weta Cave in Miramar and had a bit of a geekfest, poring over the construction of chainmail and weapons from LOTR.  The short film about the development of Weta was really interesting, and the props and models from his films were very interesting.  Even better than that is that getting in is free! How cool.  We drove into town and had lunch, then booked the wine tour and went for a wander round.  Rob had never been to Welly before, and thought that out of all the places we visited, Welly felt like a “real” city to him.  Shopping for stir-fry ingredients, and then home to drink wine, natter and cook dinner, which everyone enjoyed.  Bobby persuaded us to watch Role Models, and I surprised myself by really enjoying it. For all you non-LRPers out there – get the movie and chuckle.  Relatively early night, cos we needed to catch an early bus to the train station to get to Featherston on the other side of the Rimutakas.

The Holiday revisited, part 2……

…… Thursday 22nd – Sunday 25th October 2009

Day 4

 Up early and checked out of our lovely apartment.  Caught the airport bus to the domestic terminal, where I had sushi for breakfast (yum). Had to lob my penknife in the bin cos I’d forgotten to transfer it from my hand luggage to my suitcase which I’d already checked in. Doh.  Have decided that self-service check in for Air NZ is cool and simple – press a few buttons, print out the tags and cards, and chuck your luggage on the carousel.  The flight to Queenstown was fine and we got a good look of Mt Cook as we passed over the top of the Southern Alps. We plan to drive up to Mount Cook village and see if we can see the mountain from there.

Joy, Joel and Jake met us at the airport and it was really good to see them. They dropped us at Earnslaw Lodge to check in and then picked us up about 20 minutes later (quick side trip to KFC) and we trundled back to theirs for dinner, drinks and general catching up.  First brief impression of the motel – clean, basic, a bit 70′s but ok, although basement flat, reather than courtyard flat would have been more accurate.  Very chatty and helpful owner (Lynley). Not sure what the wee guy/toy/doll in the hall was, but it was a bit freaky. Anyway, lovely evening at the Dorans, with Jake liking his Makka Pakka and his toy car. Joy can cook, btw.  Shock horror

Day 5

Wandered onto town and bimbled around central Queenstown (doesn’t take long, believe me). I do like Queenstown, especially when there aren’t many tourists around.  Walked round Queenstown Gardens, had lunch at a nice bar and then met up with Joy, Jake and Joel in the middle of town, where there was some sort of free jazz band thing going on.  Sat on the grass in the sun for a bit, then Joel went to physio and we all went to Halo for coffee and cake.  Next – the beach to feed the ducks and the playpark for the swings and slide.  Jake had a great time, although I’m not sure that the ducks appreciated being rugby-tackled. By the time he’d been down the slide three or four times, he was knackered and ready for sleeps.  We headed off to go food shopping and went home for stirfry.  Had a lovely evening in The Bar on the Wharf drinking pinot gris and listening to a good band.

Day 6

Wandered round town for second breakfasts and then went up on the Skyline Gondola to Bob’s Peak.  The gondola ride up had spectacular views (even if Rob did make it swing alarmingly), and after we’d had a wander round the bit at the top, we went and had a few goes on the Luge.  I will happily recommend this to anyone!  It was great fun and we were convinced that Jake would love it when he’s a bit bigger. Rob contemplated paragliding, but at $200 a pop, it was a bit steep.

Day 7

Caught the bus to Arrowtown and had planned to meet Joy, Joel and Jake for lunch at the Stables.  We got there early and wandered down to the river and up to the Chinese settlement for the obligatory photos in the wee doorways.  Walked up to the Stables, but there was a very loud jazz band on and it was really busy, so a text from Joy confirmed that dinner would be at theirs.  Rob and I walked up there (after a bit of omigod where are we going) and found the house after asking for directions.  Had a lovely afternoon sat in the garden eating lamb burgers and salad (nomnom).  Joy, Joel and Jake dropped us off at Foodtown and we got some stuff for tea and tomorrow’s packed lunch.  Fell asleep and then work up at 9.30pm, so we wandered into town for a late snack and a drink. It was quite busy in town and lively.

The Holiday revisited, part 1……

……Monday 19th – Wednesday 21st October 2009

Day 1

Flew into Auckland from Heathrow via Hong Kong.  Having done this trip in a variety of combinations and routes over the years, I can safely say that having a two hour stopoff in HK is a shit idea.  Having a few days off somewhere en route is much better.  However, time and money did not allow…… Anyhoo.  Auckland.  Knackered. Got airport bus into the CBD to Chifley Suites on Albert Street, several blocks back from the wharf.  Very very nice and would recommend this to anyone.  My Expedia-fu had worked well, and I landed us with a really neat apartment with a decent kitchenette and lounge and two big flat screen tv’s. Woo!  We went out to get some food and wandered round town for ages, ending up in Foodtown for our shopping.  Came back via a nice bar on the wharf (Degree) and had tea.  Collapsed on sofas and died.

Day 2

Up to Foodtown again cos we’d forgotten most of what we’d actually needed in our jet lagged fuzz.  Came back to the apartment and dropped it off and went back down to the waterfront to catch the free bus to Kelly Tarlton’s (aquarium and antarctic experience).  Rob liked this bus.  It was shaped like a shark.  I kid you not.  Drove out along Tamaki Drive to the place and went in to see penguins and sharks and all sorts.  I really liked the sea horses.  Rob liked the sharks.  We both liked the penguins, and you go on a wee ride in an snowcat through their enclosure.  They smelled of fish, although I’m not sure why we were surprised by this.  The penguins who were shedding their juvenile plumage looked exceedingly grumpy.

When we came back to the CBD, we walked up to the Sky Tower and went up it. Fantastic views from the viewing decks: Rangitoto, Waiheke, One Tree Hill, Mt Eden, North Shore…all spread out in front of us.  It was really good – sat and had a coffee and just looked out across the city.  Rob couldn’t get over how few people there were about for such a huge city.   We decided that, providing the weather was ok, tomorrow we would catch the ferry to Rangitoto Island and walk to the summit, to be followed by dinner with Ngare.  Fell asleep early again (lightweight).

Day 3

Rangitoto Island.  This volcano is about 600 or 700 years old and sits in the Hauraki Gulf – it’s got a very distinctive shape, fantastic tree life,  wierd lava fields and some really neat baches.  We were also treated to a group of children on an outing doing kapa haka whilst waiting for the ferry back, which was interesting to watch, although I didn’t understand a word of it.  The climb up started at a steady pace and the sun was baking, especially across some of the lava field areas.  Further up, the climb got much steeped and the soil was different.  We saw fantails and heard tui (which Rob describes as the R2D2 bird).  At the top, the 360 degree view around was amazing, and we sat up there and ate our lunch. We wandered down through forests of pohutukawa and tree ferns and ventured to the lava tubes.  I’m not known for my love of dark enclosed spaces, but Rob had brought his torch, so in we went.  It was dark and damp and that’s about all I can say about it.  There were loads of spider webs everywhere, but I couldn’t find any spiders (and I did look).

Got back and had a shower before meeting Ngare and her other half for a fantastic dinner at Vivace.  Had a fantastic salmon salad and the wine was good too, although I failed to note what it was (except that it was pinot gris).  Made a mental note to try to have dinner there on our last night before leaving NZ.  To bed slightly drunk, and off to Queenstown in the morning, with vague hopes that my google-fu would not let me down on the accommodation I’d booked (and Rob’s hopes that all the accommodation was going to be as nice as this). Haha.

 

(If you’re reading this on Facebook, you won’t get all the links – you’ll need to visit my blog for that, which is where this post originated).

Holidays are coming………

………….woohoo!  Not long to go now! Planes trains and automobiles are booked, motels and flats booked! Got all excited listening to Alain de Botton talking on the radio about why he loves airports – all that world of possibility, looking at the departure boards and wondering if you’ll ever fly to Ho Chi Minh City or Buenos Aires.  Watching all the people coming and going, wondering where they’re off to and why, seeing people of all nationalities in all sorts of dress waiting.  I can’t wait!

Home and melting……

Gods, it’s hot.  My garden wall temp thingy said it was 29 degrees yesterday, and it was cooler yesterday that it has been for days.  I’ve just finished a four-day course for work, so spent the last week sweltering in a classroom in Basingstoke.  Hotel was ok, course good but hard-going in the heat – my brain was shutting down at about 2.30pm each day.  Didn’t really manage to get a full nights’ sleep at any point over the past week as it’s just been too hot and sticky.  But that’s better then being freezing

In other news, we’re going on holiday to New Zealand!!  The flights are booked. Wayhey!